Sunday, September 25, 2005
Spam I'd Like to See
We receive entirely too much annoying spam. Filters work mostly, sort of, at least for a while. But a few carefully constructed messages always manage to get through.
In order to reduce the volume of spam, I propose that all unsolicited electronic mail be consolidated into a single weekly message. I suggest that spammers might consent to this plan if consumers agree to not filter this one ultimate message.
It's still rough, but here's a draft of the first week's uber-spam:
 | Dear sir / madam / customer / friend / neighbor / colleague, My name is Viagra Rogaine. My brother-in-law was married to the daughter of the former Nigerian oil minister. I would like to offer you a one time opportunity to lower your mortgage rate and improve your love life by investing in genuine knock-off wristwatches. Major US corporations such as General Motors and Boeing routinely employ this unique purchasing method for the best customers. Previous buyers have realized returns ten times higher than the Dow Jones index. To ensure your eligibility for this special never to be repeated promotional program, we need to know that you are a person of high quality. Please click on the link at the bottom of this message and be prepared to provide a few basic informational items: full legal name, address, city, state, zip code, country, time zone, phone number, birth date, gender, sexual preference, social security number, checking account number, credit card numbers with expiration dates, mother's maiden name, current employer and salary, immunization records, blood type, food allergies, height, weight, hair color, eye color, fingernail color, e-mail address, fax number, cell number, pager number, distinguishing marks, scars, or tattoos, ADA handicaps, dating history, credit rating, car brand and make, mortgage lender, shoe size, favorite color, blood pressure, driver's license number, veteran status, spouse's name, children's names, pets' names, nicknames, and hat size. Thank you for your interest. |
It needs a few more spelling errors, but it could work!
Spame-mailHumor
Comments:
Glad you enjoyed it. I often wonder why spammers think I would buy from someone who doesn't know my name and can't even spell the product they're hawking?
I looked up your target address and there appears to be no such domain. My guess is your forwarded spam takes a long trip to nowhere. Even if you sent it to a real agency (which I don't recommend), it would probably get caught by a filter.
I've never done this, but I am told that 10 GB of null characters will zip down pretty small. If you ever get a real address for one of these spammers, you might make them the happy recipient of that little time bomb.
Take care and Go Bucks!
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I looked up your target address and there appears to be no such domain. My guess is your forwarded spam takes a long trip to nowhere. Even if you sent it to a real agency (which I don't recommend), it would probably get caught by a filter.
I've never done this, but I am told that 10 GB of null characters will zip down pretty small. If you ever get a real address for one of these spammers, you might make them the happy recipient of that little time bomb.
Take care and Go Bucks!
